The Minor Profits

What are little boys made of?

Snips, snails, and puppy dog tails.  That’s what little boys are made of.

Slime, grime, and mud all the time.  That’s what little boys are made of.

Youth, truth, and a missing front tooth.  That’s what little boys are made of.

Truth.

IMG_3049

The test is small, the size of a pen.  I’ve used one many times before this.  But the result is always weighty.  I felt it on my shoulders this time.  Heavy.  And I felt the smallness of my house, the weakness of my own arms, the onrushing responsibility of soul-raising threatening to close over my head.

But I took a deep breath.  I tried to step out in faith, once again, and simply be amazed.  And… I stepped on a lego.  I stepped on a piece of cold spaghetti with a bare foot.  I stepped on a sticky lump of I-hope-that-was-just-week-old-banana, and started to cry.

Because, believe it or not, I was surprised by the result of that test.

That pregnancy test.

And while the miracle of life was not lost on me, neither was the gravity.

I didn’t feel the urge to scream my news from the rooftops.

Folks at church will look at us and think, “I wonder if they know the Bible doesn’t say you can’t use birth control?”  And folks at the grocery store will think, “She is to blame for global warming and those huge carts that clog the aisles.”  And the folks at the doctor’s office will think, “I wonder if their insurance is coming out of our taxes?” And folks at the family reunion will think, “That right there is why we can’t meet at a fancy restaurant.”  And folks at the playground will think, “We better keep our kids away from hers.  Their weirdness might rub off.”  And folks we call grandma will think, “Babysitting is getting more challenging…”

I was lost in my own thoughts as I pushed a sagging cart out of the grocery store that week.  A grandmotherly lady stopped us with a glowing smile.  “I love seeing you in here,” she patted the baby on his pudgy hand and counted the blonde sea of heads.  “I hope you’re not thinking of stopping!”  She grinned.  I took it as an excuse to sheepishly share the secret that burned in my throat (heartburn is rough in those early weeks of pregnancy.)  “Oh no.  Haha.  There’s actually another…”

However she responded, I will never remember.  Instead, I noticed a young hand suddenly grasp at my elbow.  My eight year old looked up with shining eyes.  He’d heard the secret.  “Really, Mom?”  He said as we pulled away from the smiling woman.  “Really, are you pregnant?”  I nodded, wondering how the oldest of now (gasp) 6 would feel at the news.  He let out a whoop.  “That. Is. Awesome!”

The other boys, engrossed in the challenge where you can only step on the sidewalk paint and not on the parking lot tar, were oblivious to his excitement.  “That is the best news!” he gushed.  “It’s like a present from God!”

I hugged him as bodies clambered into their seats around us.  “I am so glad that you are glad.”  I said sincerely.  I was tickled to know that one who would be affected so directly was so happy.  Of course, it didn’t change anything, but it was reassuring.

Sometimes it’s hard work not to be surprised by the cynicism and disapproval of others.  I’m not surprised anymore by attitudes that think I’m doing the other children a disservice by having more offspring than I have hands for.  But I was surprised when I realized that attitude was coming from myself!

I have been given the great honor of being called mother.  Again.  I will not dare to throw this gift back in the face of the Giver of life by being unthankful.  No.  Not for a moment.    A new awe is coming over me.  Again.  Now I am surprised – by joy.

Sometimes it takes the mouths of babes – and frank, lanky eight year olds – to remind me to thank God for doing great big things in humble little packages.

We have been blessed.  That’s the simple truth.

Rejoice with me!

 

burning marshmallows… I mean, making s'mores
burning marshmallows and making memories

 

6 thoughts on “The Minor Profits

  1. Congratulations! What a blessing! I know for us we get many comments as well (8 children, 1 with Spina Bifida and in a wheelchair) but some of the worst comments came as we got pregnant with #8, who followed our son with Spina Bifida. People were appaulled that we would have another child after having one with a disability. Sigh. They just don’t recognize that all children are a blessing.

    Enjoy your pregnancy and keep updating the blog as you go!

  2. Congratulations Stephanie!! Glad to hear it’s official news hehe. Always happy to welcome more of your little people into the world, they are indeed blessings <3 miss you! Love, Kendra

  3. I stumbled across your blog a few weeks ago and have been enjoying all the posts that I’ve had the chance to read so far. You’re a wonderful writer, but maybe I like what you write so much because I can relate on many levels… I have 5 boys and 1 girl (in that order. and the oldest is 13yrs.) and another boy on the way. I especially appreciated this last post. My current pregnancy came around a little sooner than expected and, frankly, has a little more testosterone than originally hoped for. The Lord is good though, and keeps giving me a peace about both of those things whenever I start to complain.
    Babies are blessings. No matter when they come and no matter how much testosterone they contain. Congrats on YOUR new blessing!!

Let me know what you think!